wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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