I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
