i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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