is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
