y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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