Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
