Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
