We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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