somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
