By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
