help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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