Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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