would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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