if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
