I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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