The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize