walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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