I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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