Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
