now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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