no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
