you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
