wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize