ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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