I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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