singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
