So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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