she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
