Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
3pm strippers are depressing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
