Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
