When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
