What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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