I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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