I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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