Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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