Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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