how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
