So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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