She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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