And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
