We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
