i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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