Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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