Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
