i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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