my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
