Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
