Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
