I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
