ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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