oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize