I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
