she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
