We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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