Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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