Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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