Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
