thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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