Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
