You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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